Notes in Pastoral Psychology (SCS Reviewer)

Notes on the Course:

PASTORAL PSYCHOLOGY

by Rany P. Geraldino

Cycle of Rejection

1. rejection

2. denial

3. deprivation (taken aaway from you but you deserved it)

Development of Rejection

1. started with a feeling of rejection

· Ex. Oh you look good; you do something well: why not say thank you

· not accept compliments (underlying: cycle of rejection)

· feeling would be manifested by action that would redound to a feeling of worthlessness

· as a person you must feel your value or you’ll have self-hate (Ex. Why is it I am not as good as He is?)

· source of self-hate: look for escape hatches (Ec. Child not accepted: bully others) then got sick, drugs, suicide...

· these rejections are manifested as you deal with others

· longing to be affirmed by people

· rejections embedded in one’s heart

2. “If you have accepted yourself, it is easy to relate with others.”

Symptoms

1. inability to relate to others: palaging may kaaway/seeming relationship but not authentic

2. inability to form intimate relationship: I can go along with both men and women anytime (not afraid with the talks of the people)

· there can be intimacy without sexuality

· not faceless friends

3. feeling of uncertainty and insecurity

· Ex. always threatened by others

· it can be expressed by dominating others so that they will not find my weaknesses

4. feeling of inadequacy and inferiority

· you have nothing to contribute, no reason to live because nothing to give - merely a receiver, a parasite

· our inadequacy is not a cause for us not to be a giver: normal

5. the increasing feeling of depression

· not see self-worth at all

Þ from cycle there formed a chain

- like a ferris wheel that one will find it hard to go out

- if it is a chain it seems to irredeemable (God: Nothing is impossible.)

- there we find an intervention - an intervening God who affirms

(Ex. Everything He created is God.)

Þ cycle of rejection: known to be an original sin (we are born)

Þ We also have the affirming Church - Sacraments of Affirmation. Thus, Christians are called to affirm others.

Þ expression of God’s love is the Church

· AA (affirming-affirming): identify people whom you have mutual affirming relationships.

· AR (affirming - rejecting)

· RA (rejecting - affirming)

· RR (mutual rejection)

Þ Christian: Is it something innate? It is brought about by malfunction in human relations (personality development). There is a God.

Þ Is a human person a product of genes and environment? Basically, we are relational - LOVE. Rejections could come into interpretations. (Ex. Talking to you not to one - block wall: emotional vampires)

Þ “We are all God’s people, we breathe the same air.” Do not be insecure!

Þ We are in the world but not for the world.

Self - Revelation

1. is a technique to help an individual reveal something of oneself to others of which the individual is already aware.

2. Reveal something that you are aware of

3. There is a personal awareness.

Self-Disclosure

1. the person revealing himself is not aware of which is called as unguarded moments

2. it comes out when they don’t expect it

Self-Discovery

1. not a technique but an outcome of self- revelation and self-disclosure

Cycle of Affirmation

Read Gospel of John: “come and see...” (Ex. from Simon to Peter/Zaccheus)

1. Bibles: names are more than sauperficial titles. It has a purpose...They are carefully and deliberately chosen to dnote something.

· Names would entail respected treatment

· prior to be called as brother. We are ordinary men. Thus, transformed men.

· Change of life by Jesus

· new name: see the strength of Peter (rock)

· the word brother will be an affirmation in us.

· Make use of your pagka-brother not for yourself but for others.

2. Power of Affirmation

· what Jesus did: to affrim means to make FIRM, to make strong, to strengthen - in his sense of goodness, worth and value

· the secret power of affirmation (to transform people for the better): found in a simple psychological principle

· we become what others especially significant others, say we are.

· Self-fulfilling prophecy (Ex. Affirmation encourages us to become better: “what we affirm should be strength and not weaknesses; good qualities and not unpristine qualities).

Language of Affirmation

1. how do we affirm others? It should be something positive. (Ex. Zaccheus: climb a throny tree - a sycamore)

2. small in structure (look down by people) climb tall tree to be acknowledged as tall

3. in associating with them, we become who they are: FALSE (ex. Associated with people who are powerful - mayors, rich, etc.)

4. a need of Zaccheus to be affirmed

5. Ministry of Priest is a ministry of affirmation. People in thirsts of affirmation.

6. Sycamores are not permanent!

What did Jesus do?

1. Jesus stopped to speak with Zaccheus.

· Put a stop on your energy: running

· loosing the momentum but a form of recognition (greetings)

2. Jesus looked up: to hold a person in esteem and admiration - people look down Zaccheus but Jesus looked up.

3. Jesus spoke with Zaccheus: communication (reaching out) - breaking boundaries

4. Jesus called Zaccheus by name.

· Recognition of the identity of Zaccheus (Jesus is aware that he is a tax collector)

· from a condition of anonymity to a person of somebody (nobody to someone: a person without body)

5. Jesus told Zaccheus to come down. : join me! You dont need that sycamore, you are ok.

· Acceptance of what he is - freeing him to be authentic; to be himself

6. Jesus asked Zaccheus to do hima favor: let me stay at your house today. (Show of trust and security)

7. Jesus did stay at the house.

· Jesus joins Zaccheus where he is, shares his world (what kind of world? A world of loneliness): Ex. send to a parish and live with the people

· Zaccheus is no longer alone in his loneliness. Jesus shares in his loneliness.

· This is what pastoring is all about. It is not always joyful celebrations, gathering, etc.

8. Jesus ate with Zaccheus.

· I personally hate eating alone (Nolan Que)

· eating is a sign of unity and sharing, a sign of friendship - do you eat with enemies? A sign of solidarity; a sign of oneness and it is a celebration

Fruit of Affirmation (result of affirmation in the life of Zaccheus)

1. it is beyond imagination: man of charity and justice (Ex. 1/2 property to poor; injustice to 4x repay)

2. Jesus did not even ask Zaccheus to change his life (Ex. If you help the person to find his worth and value)

The Two Blind Men of Jericho (Mt. 20:29-34)

What Jesus did?

1. Jesus listened.

· Crowd listened with their minds and ears, but Jesus listened with a heart.

· Thus, blind men now have a sense of worth (worth listening after all)

· start of the healing process: “We want to talk but we don’t like to listen.” Because we think that talk is giving and listening is receiving.

· But listening can also be giving

· how good are you at listening?

· Is there anyone you ought to listen more? (Ex. We pray by talking.)

· is there anyone you wish would listen more to you?

2. Jeus stopped: availability, importance, and self-esteem

3. Jesus called them over.

· From nobody to somebody: closeness/intimacy (another basic human need the absence of which results in a sense of distance, isolation, alienation and loneliness)

· this is what suffered most by the blind men - pain brought about by being kept at a distance by other because of blindness, but Jesus RECOGNIZE their existence.

· How comfortable can you with close and intimate relationship?

· How many people can you count as really close to you?

4. Jesus asked.

· Why would Jesus ask? It is obvious; he already knew.

· The two blind men get the attention which will be the start of conversation. He is not interested with what they would reply but he intends to relate with them - RELATIONSHIP. Thus, it wanted to establish a relationship.

4 Main Realities

1. others

2. self these qualities are found in interaction

3. life-situation through communication

4. God

5 Levels of Communication (Levels 5 - 1)

1. cliche/conversation

· greetings (hello, hi, gud am/pm)

· empty, superficial and structured words

· even liturgical words: “The Lord be with you!” And also with you!

· Lowest form of communication and conversation

· automatic and mechanical

2. reporting of facts about others

· almost nothing of the self is shared but only information about others

· tsismis - gossip (an outside observer)

3. levels of ideas, judgments and opinions

· something of the self is already shared but not much really because ideas, judgment and opinions are only conventional

· difference in opinions but not at all time

4. the gut-level (god-level?)

· more of feelings and emotions - if my ideas are rather common and conventional my feelings and emotions are uniquely mine

· something unique: same experience but different feelings

· reminded of the uniqueness of the other, of every individual

· challenge: every individual one’s uniqueness and others’ too through relationship and ocmmunication

5. total communication

· peak level: no words to be needed

· even without words there can be communication (Ex. Even sit beside you/mother’s instinct)

Levels of Speaking and Listening

1. level of words

· Ex. I am hungry comes to your mind he is hungry.

· What you see is what you get

2. level of meanings

· as pastoral workers, we must not dwell on the level of words because there will be misjudgments and misconstruedness.

· Dichotomized person with action: hindi ako galit sayo sa ginawa mo lang

3. level of person

· anger is brought about by conditions and circumstances

“True beauty lies in not what one receives but rather in what one gives.”

Þ reminder: imperfections, humanity, and frailty

Þ whenever we fail, we demand it to others

Þ tend to blame ourselves too much or blame others

Þ ‘Sinfulness is not the end point of one’s life but there is resurrection.”

Sanguine

1. Emotions

· the person always has an appealing personality

· talkative; story-teller; life of the party

· good sense of humor

· memory of color

· physically holds the listener (tactile)

· emotionally demonstrative

· enthusiastic and expressive

· glowing always; bubbling (full of energy)

· curious; changeable disposition

· sincere at heart

· always a child

2. Work

· volunteers for work

· thinks new activities/creative

· colorful/energy and enthusiasm

· inspire others to join: convincing power

· charms other to work

· practical

3. Friendship

· makes friend easily

· loves people

· thrives on complements (verbuous)

· exciting

· nice to befriend

· envied by others

· doesn’ hold grudges

· apologizes quickly

· spontaneous/prevent dull moments

Perfect Melancholy

Þ introvert; thinker; pessimist

1. Emotions

· deep and thoughtful philosophical

· analytical poetic

· serious self-sacrificing

· generous conscientious

· genius idealistic

· talented appreciative of beauty

· artistic sensitive to others

· musical

2. Work

· scheduled oriented

· perfectionist

· detailed conscious

· persistent and thorough

· orderly and organized (obsessive compulsion)

· economical

· sees the problem

· needs to finish what he has started

· person like charps, gerbs, etc.

3. Friendship

· makes friend cautiously

· stay in the background

· avoiding attention

· faithful and devoted

· willing to listen to complains (listener)

· solve others’ problem

· deep concern for other people

· move to tears with compassion

· would always be in search of an ideal/perfect friend

Powerful Choleric

1. Emotions

· compulsion powerful choleric

· extrovert doer and optimist

· born leader dynamic creative

· moralist must correct wrong things

· unemotional strong willed and decisive

· unaffected independent

· compulsive need for change

· not easily discouraged

2. Work

· goal-oriented sees the whole picture

· organizes well seeks practical solutions

· moves quickly to action delegates work

· insist on productions he makes the goal

· stimulates activity thrives on opposition

3. Friendship

· he has little needs for friends/self-sufficient

· work for group activity

· he will lead and organize

· he is usually right

· he excels in emergencies

Phlegmatic

Þ introvert; watcher; pessimist; peaceful

1. Emoitons

· easy-going and relax

· calm, cool and collected

· patient and well-balanced

· consistent life

· quiet but witty

· sympathetic and kind

· keeps emotion hidden

· happily reconciled to life

· all-purpose person

2. Friendship

· easy to get along with

· pleasant and enjoyable

· good listener

· enjoys watching people

· dry sense of humor

· has many friends

· compassionate and concern

3. Works

· competent and steady

· peaceful and agreeable

· mediates problem

· avoids conflicts

· good under pressure

· finds easy way

Þ what is essential is invisible to the naked eye! What is underneath counts!

Þ Maintain positive and eliminate negative

Þ Just because others are different that would make them wrong???

Emotional Intelligence

1. the ability to process emotional information particularly as it involves the perception, assimilation, understanding and management of emotion.

2. Refers to a person innate potential: sensitivity, memory, processing and learning (which help one maximized his long term health, happiness and survival)

Emotional Quotient

Þ represents a relative measure of a person’s healthy or unhealthy development of their innate emotional intelligence.

8 Main Difficulties Regarding Relationship Today

1. selfish and confrontational (selfish: friendly-users and confrontational: not giving in to demands)

2. unloving and unkind (“we hurt the ones we loved the most!)

· insensitivity makes us oblivious to what they are going through

· fall in the cycle of insensitivity

· superior and subjects: distance of respect

· relationships are like banks; the more love and kindness you invest the more you will have to withdraw in times of adversity

· love begets love.

· You don’t get earnings without investment: “Love that is not earned will easily get lost.”

3. Lacking the respect and devotion to help each other grow

· respect - essential in building a positive relationship (Ex. Calling “father”)

· when there’s no respect people are made to feel unimportant

· we deserved to be respected because we are human beings - God’s creation

· If there’s no respect, it will lead to destruction: the relationship is destroyed.

Different Ways in Showing Disrespect

1. shout and loose our tempers

2. physically hurting someone

3. noring the feelings and needs of others (manhid)

4. avoid dealing with the problems of others

5. believing in what others think and feel is unimportant (allow others to talk and express opinions)

6. make fun of the belief of others

7. do not allow others to grow and become the best that they can be

8. want others to be in our image (I want you to be dependent on me.)

4. Focusing on what we can get instead of what we can give

· as priests we are givers and not mere receivers (not parasites nor commensals)

5. Talking vs. Listening

· words are empty because would not know the needs of the people

· listening: a humbling experience - “Women are more of talkers - attuned with their feelings.) Thus, a balance between talking and listening.

· Sharing is positive in every relationship the bridge between talking and listening

· talking should always be done with respect, sensitivity, cosnciousness and honesty

6. Uncompromising and guit rhytm or ridden

· give way to each others’ needs

· in any relationship whether personal or professional someone has to give. If both are talking there’s a little opportunity to solve anything

· ergo, a WIN-WIN situation is a good one.

· Compromising is not something negative

· winning in varying degreees and the goal is the same

· all parties win in varying degrees

· in a relationship better more winners than losers

· if uncompromising: little room to growth which made people feel stifled and controlled

· guilt can enter when partners are not realizing their potentials which can lead to anger and frustration

7. Emotionally suppresive

· cannot expressed your emotions thus create barriers which are painful nd restraining

· Stoic: I am not affected!

· Both positive and negative emotions

· done in context (right place, right time)

· don’t control your emotions but tame them

· love can be an overused and abused word but never spoken and expressed in homes that supressed feelings: not comfortable with the word LOVE

· the better way to deal with emotions is to identify what you are feeling: the reasons why and channel your impulse to act in a productive way if the emotion felt is negative

· recognized our emotions, humanity and acceptance

· emotions are gifts to HB; it makes us rich in spirit and in heart

· knowing how to manage emotin and to give skillful expressions will save us from leaning (living) fed up and uncomfortable lives

8. Inadequate personal and professional expectations

· know or learn how to blend personal and professional expectations

· Personal expectations’ diifculty when personal expectation is different from professional expectation

· Solutions:

· there should be a commitment to a clear common goal (Ex. Priest: I want to have a family. I also would like to live my priesthood to the best I can be)

· periodic assessment of the goal: setting a common goal

· reality check on how people feeling in the process of achieving the goals (Ex. Cheating to become a priest)

· making adjustmment and changes for growth: try to adjust to one another

· balancing when to listen and when to talk: do not monopolize! Two actions that could be done simultaneously.

6 A’s that Need to Build Relationships

1. A-ffection

· showing how you feel and giving off yourself unselfishly and unconditionally

· for HB who have emotion and not only for women

· see a drop of goodness - feel something that impels you

· PAGTANGI

2. A-ppreciation

· PAGPAPAHALAGA

· measurement of the goodness

· knowing the worth and value of others and respecting the person for who and what he is.

3. A-cknowledgment

· recognizing others (your partner) to be different and getting know what he or she really wants of his/her life by being attentive and honest, empathizing with the other

· psychology: knowing the person (not gratitude): going through the feelings - attentive to the feelings of others

4. A-bsolute Commitment

· something permanent: commitment

· in every relationship we speak of AC

5. A-cceptance

· allowing the other to grow and fulfill his ambitions and creating the space without jeopardizing the relationship

6. A-ction

· working hand in hand to make the relationship

· both parties should work for a long and lasting relationship

· it should be two way: later on get tired and loose worth if one way

EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT

Þ it would supplement IQ

Þ we are led to believe that IQ is the best measurement for potential of man

Þ in early 90’s JOHN MAYER and PETER SALOVEY described the person’s ability to understand his or her emotions - emotion of others and to act appropriately based on this understanding

Þ in 1995, Daniel Goleman popularized the term EQ

What is EQ?

1. Having empathy for others

2. it is standing up for what you believe in a tactful and respectful way

3. it is about not jumping to conclusions but getting the whole picture before you react (Ex. watch priceless not returned: not take, explain, end friendship, let it go?)

4. the key to EI is very important in order for the humankind to live happily and successful life. Healrhy EQ helps us set personal boundaries, make decisions about our lives and communicated with the people we love.

Tips How to Increase EQ

1. reduce the stress level

· EQ is more of relationship. It is how one deals with people, how to handle persons.

· Become irritable and inconsiderate and untolerable

2. take up hobby that interacts with people (Ex. play with others)

3. join support group

4. keep feelings journal

5. take an anger management course

6. ask the family and friends to help you recognize about yourself and the things taht may need correction

Psychology

1. refers to things that touches the aspects of the human life (Ex. Laica - tantrums at 6pm: problem in his behavior.

2. Psychology - point of view is behavior

3. psychiatrist: neuro-biological point of view (bring to a psychiatrist)

As a priest we should not overspiritualize everything: purpose of pastoral psychology!

Different Approaches in Psychology

1. Neurobiological Approach

· brain has 12 million nerves

· focus on mental exercise

· microelectrodes were implanted in specific areas and the effect of that study is that: sensation is brought about by the brain (Ex. People who are mentally imbalanced thus there’s a lack of fluid).

2. Behavioral Approach: the stimulus-response approach

3. Cognitive Approach

· we are not passive (Ex. This is a ballpen, agree?)

· people are not passive; every individual has a mind that possesses thought or informations - it receives

· reminder: we have the mind

· thus, we do not easily accept what is imposed on us.

· COGNITION: a mental process of perception, memory and information processing by the individual through which acquires knowledge, solves problem and plans for the future.

4. Psychoanalytical Approach

· pioneered by Sigmund Freud

· every behavior stems from the processes of the unconscious

· many of our actions and thoughts are imbued to the unconscious in reference to thoughts, fears, wishes which the person is unaware but from which one is influenced by the behavior (ex. sleep without light: conditioning when was a young man)

5. Phenomenological Approach

· it focuses on subjective experience. It is concerned with individual personal view of the world events and individual phenomenology

· This is what I experience...

· issues concerning “NATURE” or “NURTURE”: nature is innate; born as predetermined, a miniature adult but rejected by John Locke: tabula rasa: a blank slate - nothing is written. For John Locke, knowledge comes from senses: empiricism - what you were taught

· Charles Darwin’s Theory: biological basis of human development is NATURE. But both of which were combined by JOHN WATSON and PIERCE SKINNER. “Human nature is completely valuable as well as nature.” Thus, not nature vs. Nurture but nature and nurture!

Cognitive Development

1. Sensory-motor (2 yrs. Old): the child learns to differentiate objects

2. Preoperational (2-7 yrs. Old): the child learns to use language to represent object by images and words and even colors

3. Concrete Operational (7-12 yrs. Old): the child can think logically about object and events

4. Formal Operational (12 up): concern with hypothetical and future events

Personal and Social Development

1. 2 months: find early responses from the child (Ex. smiles on the face of mother)

2. 3-4 months: child recognizes the members of the household

3. 8 months: shows actual distress to strangers (strangers’ shyness)

4. 14-18 months until 2 yrs.: child is very dependent on parents

5. 3 yrs. old: the child feels secure

Moral Thought Behavior

Þ Piaget: 1st to investigate the development in moral reasoning

1. Level One: preconventional morality

· Stage 1 - Punishment Orientation: “Obey to avoid punishment1”

· Stage 2 - Reward Orientation: “You conform and then you get rewards.”: do things not out of conviction to get rewards and avoid punishments (may have been fixated to this level).

· But, punishment and reward system should not become the behavior of dults. There are only for children.

2. Level Two: conventional morality

· Stage 3 - Good boy/girl Orientation: projection of goodness/it is a cliche mentality, a peer pressure mentality/conform in order to earn the approval of others and avoid disapproval

· Stage 4 - Authority Orientation: avoid censure of authorities and feeling of guilt about not doing one’s duty

3. Level Three: postconventioal morality

· Stage 5 - Social Contract Orientation: actions guided by principles and agreed to public welfare. Principles of help to return respect of peers and friends (ex. Red light - stop)/there’s a contract i.e. beneficial for both parties - public welfare

· Stage 6 - Ethical Principle Orientations: actions guided by self-chosen ethical principles of help to avoid self-condemnation

· development is a life-long process

Erik Erikson’s 8 Stages of Development

1. Stage: First Year

· Psychologucal Crises: trust vs. mistrust

· Significant Social Relations: mother or mother substitute

· Favorable Outcome: trust and optimism

2. Stage: Second Year

· Psychologucal Crises: autonomy vs. doubt

· Significant Social Relations: parents

· Favorable Outcome: sense of self-control or adequacy

3. Stage: Third Year - Fifth Year

· Psychologucal Crises: initiative vs. guilt

· Significant Social Relations: basic family

· Favorable Outcome: purpose and direction

4. Stage: Sixth to Twelft Year (Puberty)

· Psychologucal Crises: industry vs. inferiority

· Significant Social Relations: neighborhood and school

· Favorable Outcome: competence - intellectual, social, physical skills

5. Stage: Adolescence

· Psychologucal Crises: identity vs. confusion

· Significant Social Relations: peer group and out groups

· Favorable Outcome: integrated image of oneself as a unique person

6. Stage: Early Adulthood

· Psychologucal Crises: intimacy vs. isolation

· Significant Social Relations: partners in friendship, competition, cooperation

· Favorable Outcome: ability to form close and lasting relationships and to make career commitment

7. Stage: Middle Adulthood

· Psychologucal Crises: generativity vs. self-absorption

· Significant Social Relations: shared household/divided labor

· Favorable Outcome: concern for family

8. Stage: Aging Years

· Psychologucal Crises: integrity vs. despair

· Significant Social Relations: mankind

· Favorable Outcome: sense of fulfillment & satisfaction with one’s life and a willingness to face death

8 More Inner Challenges (develop EQ)

1. Action One

· write three things that you have avoided doing that could improve your life

· to each item answer the following:

· what do you think about the item you mentioned?

· If avoided the item because you’re afraid write down what changes you make tom improve the way you’re perceiving your challenges

· try to put at least one into actions and when that is completed try the next two so on and so forth

· Nota Bene: be sure that the item you’ll select will improve your life/start with small things

2. Action Two

· think about a part of your character that you would like to improve using the principles of:

· integrity

· honesty

· conscience

· compassion

· excellence

· openness

· respect

· think about the time when you did not live up to your potential and treated your self and someone else badly

· create a plan on how will you change next time then write your letter as if you already have made the change - expressing your self-appreciation for your self-discipline in improving yourself

· keep this letter and when you have reached it put a star and date it

3. Action Three

· when facing a difficult situation take a moment and ask yourself 3 questions:

· what I am feeling?

· Are many feelings based on emotional reaction?

· What do I need to know before I can make a decision before I respond? (On how to response)

· Ex. Never decide when not emotionally stable

4. Action Four

· when seeking the truth be sure that you use both sides of the brain:

· left side: require problem and solving skills, analytical skills and logic

· right side: when you need your emotional and creative activities

· the best combination will be the mind and the Heart: formidable partnership

5. Action Five

· when face with a difficult emotional problem assumed the role of your best friend and tell your self as he would how to look at the situation

· Ex. good in giving advises but not confront or handle well if we are

6. Action Six

· work to become less judgmental, less biased, more opened, less negative, more positive, less indirect and more direct. Work to improve your self-esteem and self-worth

7. Action Seven

· read, observe, listen and use your wisdom and experience based on past situation in dealing with conflict, adversity, people, issues that have called for your decision and action

8. Action Eight

· work on the areas that you think you need to improve

· Ex. convenient on doing the same thing